It's been a rough day. It started early this morning around 6:30. While feeding Brighton, Ben and I started arguing. We were arguing as he was walking out the door. Days that start out like that normally don't turn around to make great one's. Things I am thinking need to come out, they need to get off my chest. If I offend you, I am sorry this is the only way I know how to get it out there. I am not one for contention, and I am a coward when it comes to arguments, or disagreements. I am also stubborn and refuse to apologize first...in most cases. It's true, ask Ben.
#1- Having our little guy is the best, but it has taken a toll on our marriage. It's not the same anymore, and in everyway we knew it would never be the same. It's hard, we argue more than ever, we yell more then ever, and for stupid reasons for that matter. We constantly get annoyed with each other way too easily which most the times leads to an argument or a yelling match. We'll learn to balance life one of these days. We'll get the hang of things and then as soon as we do that we won't have anymore children at home, and we'll have to relearn what it was like before kids came along. And so the circle of life continues. Ha!
#2-Ben needs a good friend. He needs a guy friend relationship. He needs someone to talk to other than his wife, and mom. He needs a guy! He needs to have a friend that he can hangout with and do guy things with. His wife doesn't cut it anymore. This is simply my opinion not Ben's. Who knows what he feels he needs but lately that is the vibe I have been getting from him.
#3- I am a bad friend! I know this! I have felt this way for weeks now. I really have no contact with friends, just family. Ever since Brighton was born I feel that my relationship with him is far more important than friends. In ways, that is true but sometimes you just need a friend to talk too. I received a text from a friend just yesterday, and after reading it I thought to myself.."That was rude!" I probably took the text way out of content, and if my friend did mean it the way I took it than that is okay too, because in more ways than any I deserved the "rude text." I am a bad friend, I'll work on being a better friend one of these days. Life still has not got back to normal. True friends will understand this and still want to be my friend when that "time" comes.
#4-I have ALOT to say at this point about a certain subject, but have become a coward. I am not going to put it down because it would just cause to many problems. I am just frusterated about the situation and wish things would get taken care. If they aren't taken care in a month, I might just freak out!
#6- I have been thinking alot about what type of mother and wife I am being. Am I being the best mom or wife? No! There are good days and bad days. Sometimes I let Brighton cry while I finish the laundry or the dishes. Those things can wait, my little guy is only little for a while. I need to take more time with my family and not worry so much about worldly things.
#7- I hate being in debt...enough said!
#8- I have to work tonight. Blah! Not in the mood. Plus, I have to go in early to wash down the theatres. Not fun at all.
What a bummer post. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I NEED A VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!