Friday, January 22, 2010

Dear Little Scout

Hey Little Man,
Been thinking alot about you these past few days. I cannot believe you will be here in 49 days. It is crazy to think that you have been in my belly since June. It has been one amazing ride, and definitely one that I will never forget. I remember feeling sad at times because I knew I was pregnant and I knew you were there but I couldn't feel you, and that bothered me. I wanted to feel you move inside, and I wanted to feel your little kicks. Before long though, you were kicking and all over the place. I remember the very first time that I really felt you move around and kick me, I was shocked and overwhelmed. The feeling I had when I felt you move around was indescribable. It was FINALLY all becoming real. I have waited my whole life to feel that movement and I finally had it. I wanted to savor it in my memory forever. I have been working hard to be a better wife and mom daily. I take time out of my day to think about life, and of course you. I have turned to the scriptures daily. I have found comfort in them. I have found blessings in them. I have found that through Christ all things are possible. I pray that I will be the mom that I truly want to be. I have alot of people to look up too when it comes to being a great mom.
I look up to your Grandma Anderson. She makes me want to be a better person. She is always so happy and loving. No matter what, I know that she loves your Dad and I. I also find alot of strength in Grandma Anderson. She gives me advice that I appreciate and need all of the time. Your Dad and I feel that we can really talk to Grandma Anderson, I hope you and I have the strong relationship that your Dad and Grandma Anderson share. It is mezmorizing to me to see those two together. I think you will find that when you finally arrive. You will love Grandma Anderson I just know it.
I think about Grandma Natter...I think about what she has been through in life, it's not been easy, and I know that she regrets alot but she manages to make the best out of life. She spoils Dad and I like crazy. She spoils you already, and your not even here yet. She loves your Dad and me so much, and I know that she just wants to prove to us that she is doing her best. And for that, I am thankful for. She really is doing what is best for her and her circumstances. Your Grandma Natter is strong Little Scout, very strong. If I have half the courage she has I will be ok in life. If you have half the courage grandma Natter has you will be just great in life too.
Grandma Natter will be there for you through thick and thin, you can count on that one. She loves you a ton already, and your Dad and I know that she is going to be a great grandma. You will love and adore her just like you will Grandma Anderson.

Which brings me to Grandma Bennion. Words can't express the gratitude I have for Grandma Bennion. She really made me who I am today. I feel that she is the reason why I am where I am today. If it wasn't for her Little Scout, I don't know if you'd be here. She took me in as one of her own, and has loved me unconditionally even when I was being a bad person. Grandma Bennion will make you laugh and love you just like your other grandma's will. It sure has been an interesting road, and I don't think I could have done it without Grandma Bennion. I know you will find that she is the most caring, loving, passionate person towards others. She really loves helping others out and I hope that I can become more like her when it comes to serving others.
Little Scout you are going to come into this world more loved than anything. You have sure made things fun these past seven and half months. It has been fun to watch you grow, it has been amazing to feel you inside of me, it has been overwhelming at times, but I know that as a family we are the strongest. I pray that your dad and I will be good examples to you. I hope that we can be a happy family, and that we can be a close family. As long as we are a close family I as your mother will be the luckiest woman alive. All I have wanted my whole life was for my family to be close. I will strive daily to be the person I know I want to become, if I am more like your three grandma's I know I will be that person that I have wanted to be.
In seven weeks we will then be our own little family. I can't believe it! I am so excited to meet you. I love you!


Ruth said...

I think is is great you are writing letters to Scout. I have two journals that I write in, one for each of my boys. When they do something funny or cute, or there is a special occasion I write a letter to them telling them about it and about them. Sometimes I write in it just to tell them I love them. When they are older I will give them the journals I have completed so they can read about their childhood and know how much I love and cherish them.
I guess your blog is like that since you will be making it into book for your kids. What a great way to preserve their childhood.

Tammy said...

Will you please pass the tissues. It's been a tough couple of days - so many mixed emotions. Life and family are so precious. Thank you for being a part of my life. Love you!